Good lovin' gone bad after a fabulous fun-filled weekend attending various festivals and hangin' with friends not seen in a coon's age. On misunderstanding, miscommunication, language barriers, semantics and bullshit.
Me: Hi, I'd like a decaf espresso, please, with soy milk.
Starbucks Counter Girl: (blank stare)
Me: Do you have soy milk?
SBCG: Yeeaahhhhhh...
Me: Okay, that's what I want.
SBCG: Hmmm. Espresso and soy milk.
Me: Decaf espresso. Do you have decaf espresso?
SBCG: (blank stare)
Me: Is your espresso also available in decaf?
SBCG: Yes.
Me: Good. That's what I want.
SBCG: Uh, um, okay. How many do you want with that?
Me: How many do I want?
SBCG: Yeah, like one or two.
Me: D'you mean shots? How many shots of espresso do I want?
SBCG: Do you want one or two?
Me: Oh, I want two, a double shot.
SBCG: Hot or cold?
Me: Hot.
SBCG: I really don't know what you want.
Me: (now wondering about this chick-a-dee) I want a double shot decaf espresso with soy milk.
SBCG: Latte or Machiato?
Me: Latte, latte. (thinking we're on to something).
SBCG: (shaking her head looking at me as if I am from another planet and with more than an edge of blame in her voice) I don't know what this is or how to charge for it. (hands empty cup to girl making the coffee)
Me: It's a latte. Think of it as a latte. A latte with soy milk.
Starbucks Coffeemaking Girl: (looking at the scribble on the cup trying to decipher what SBCG has written so she'll know what to make) I...what is this...(turning to look at me) Do you want a double latte with soy? Is that what this is supposed to be?
Me: Yes.
Coffeemaking girl: Oh, simple. (smiling)
My best friend was in the bathroom and missed the first part of the dialogue but was in line to catch the end. I didn't know she was there to hear any of it. When I turned with coffee in hand and saw her, I walked up and said, "You see?". She burst out laughing. You so had to be there.
